A Very Important Public Service Announcement

A Very Important Public Service Announcement From Votan, God of Death and War:

Humans,

I must inform you of some very troubling news: the apocalypse is indeed coming. While most of the gods were off doing our part for humanity, my sister Cimil, true to her useless and reproachable nature, decided that now—yes, now!—would be an excellent time to catch up on her favorite syndicated sitcom from early 80’s.

As a result, she neglected her duties—monitoring the future— thereby giving the Maaskab and Obscuros the opportunity to execute the next steps of their sinister plan. This plan included taking me as their prisoner.

I write you from a very dark and lonely place, hoping that my message may find its way to you. Please tell Emma I am sorry for betraying her. What I did to her grandmother was unforgivable. I am now paying the price.

May the universe take pity on my soul.

GUY
(aka Votan, God of Death and War)

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Rebuttal from Cimil, Goddess Delight of the Underworld

Dearest People Pets,

Please disregard my brother’s whiny theatrics. Yes, it is true that I neglected my duties, and, because of this, we are all going to cease to exist. But I ask you, what is the purpose of living if one cannot drop everything on a whim to enjoy the fruits of the late 70’s and early 80’s? Bad perms, Chia Pets, legwarmers, Duran Duran? And surely you must understand the importance of disco dancing and tacky sitcoms with men named Isaac bearing pearly white smiles?

Anyhooo, I wouldn’t hit the panic button, yet. Suuure, the Maaskab and Obscuros are kicking our asses, but these things have a way of working themselves out.

Maybe.

Okay…maybe not.

All right! All right. We’re completely hosed. Go live your final days doing the things you’ve only dreamed of: kick the neighbor’s cat (the one that wakes you at 2 a.m.), write a romance novel—make it a funny one, though—buy that really great pair of leather pants you’ve always wanted, or eat that entire box of Twinkies. Oh yes, live the dream! The clock is ticking.

Tootles,

Cimil, Recently Retired Goddess Delight of the Underworld

P.S. Sorry about causing the end of the world.

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~ by mpamfiloff on May 30, 2012.

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